Infertility Week: 4 things that can stop surrogacy

Infertility can eat away at a person’s sense of hope. It can make ordinary moments painful: a pregnancy announcement, a family gathering, or the seemingly endless appearance of babies everywhere. For someone longing to become a parent, the question can become deeply personal: why does parenthood seem possible for everyone else?

Infertility awareness is not simply about recognising a medical condition. It is about acknowledging the grief, isolation and uncertainty that can come with it. It is also about recognising that, for some people, there may still be a path forward.

Surrogacy may offer that path. It is not simple, and no fertility treatment can promise a particular outcome. But reaching the end of one approach to parenthood does not necessarily mean reaching the end of every possibility.

The Emotional Weight of Infertility

Stephen Page’s understanding of infertility is personal as well as professional. Earlier in his life, he experienced the fear that he would never become a father. He remembers looking towards the ceiling, focusing on the corner of a cornice, and directing his distress towards God.

That reaction reflected something much deeper than frustration. It was the feeling of being singled out for a loss while everyone else appeared able to have children. His life eventually took a different course, but the memory of that dark period remains.

Infertility stories deserve that kind of honesty. Awareness weeks can make space for experiences that are difficult to discuss, without requiring those experiences to be cheerful or neatly resolved.

For general information about infertility and seeking medical help, Healthdirect’s infertility information provides an Australian starting point. Legal advice becomes particularly important when the possible next step involves surrogacy.

Surrogacy: A Last Resort for Some, a First Resort for Others

For some intended parents, surrogacy follows years of trying to conceive, IVF treatment and consideration of egg donation. It may feel like the final remaining option after an exhausting series of disappointments.

For others, surrogacy is the starting point. Their circumstances mean that carrying a pregnancy themselves is not the route through which they will build a family.

Neither experience is more valid than the other. Both involve people whose desire to become parents is real and often central to their lives.

Page’s book title, When Not If, captures his strongly hopeful approach to surrogacy. His message is that intended parents should not automatically assume parenthood is beyond reach because earlier attempts have failed.

That optimism needs to sit alongside practical realism. Suitable eggs, sperm, embryos and a surrogate can create a pathway towards a child, but the process can be medically, legally and emotionally complex. Hope is valuable; a workable plan is essential.

1. Death Before the Journey Is Complete

The first issue is uncomfortable to contemplate, particularly when the entire focus is on bringing a new life into the world. Nevertheless, an intended parent could die before a surrogacy journey is complete.

In the experience Page describes, spanning more than 2,150 surrogacy journeys since 1998, he had not had a client die during the process. That experience is reassuring, but it does not remove the need for planning.

Estate planning should form part of the preparation for surrogacy. Intended parents need advice about how their wishes and responsibilities would be addressed if something happened to them.

The purpose is not to create anxiety. It is to avoid leaving important questions unanswered at an already difficult time. Planning for an unexpected event is an act of care for the family being created, not a prediction that something will go wrong.

2. Not Having Enough Money

Finances are another practical limitation. A strong desire to become a parent does not, by itself, provide the resources needed to complete a surrogacy arrangement.

Page’s perspective is that surrogacy can be financially achievable for many people. However, affordability is individual. Whether someone can meet the costs, and whether they choose to commit that money, are separate questions.

Intended parents need a realistic understanding of the financial commitment before proceeding. A plan built around the easiest possible outcome may leave little room for changes or setbacks.

Useful questions include:

• What expenses are anticipated in the proposed arrangement?
• What happens financially if the process takes longer than expected?
• Is there room in the budget for an unexpected change?
• Which decisions depend on obtaining further legal or medical advice?

This is also where having a surrogacy back-up plan becomes relevant, particularly for overseas arrangements. Financial preparation and contingency planning should support each other rather than being treated as separate tasks.

3. Needing a Donor but Not Being Ready to Use One

A surrogacy pathway may depend on donated eggs, donated sperm, or both. If a donor is needed but the intended parent is not comfortable proceeding with donation, that can prevent the proposed journey from continuing.

The need for donor assistance does not always fit familiar assumptions. Page has advised a gay couple who needed a sperm donor. He has also advised lesbian couples and single women who needed an egg donor, a sperm donor and a surrogate.

These examples show why advice must reflect the individual circumstances rather than rely on a standard picture of how a family will be formed.

Being open to donation may make a pathway possible that would otherwise remain closed. But this is not merely a technical decision. For someone who has imagined a genetic connection with their child, considering donor conception can involve a significant emotional adjustment.

Readiness matters. Intended parents need space to understand what donation means to them and whether it is a path they can embrace. The question is not whether they should be pressured into accepting a donor, but whether informed consideration could open another possibility.

4. A Setback Leads to Ending the Journey

The fourth limitation Page identifies is that something goes wrong and the intended parents decide not to continue.

By the time many people seek surrogacy advice, their determination is extraordinary. They have already experienced disappointment and often feel that parenthood should have happened long ago. Their willingness to keep going can be powerful.

Even so, determination does not make a complex process straightforward. A setback may require a revised plan, more advice or time to reconsider the available options.

The important distinction is between a setback and a final conclusion. One difficulty does not necessarily establish that every pathway has closed.

Equally, continuing is a personal decision, not a moral obligation. Emotional wellbeing, finances and individual circumstances matter. Encouragement should create room for informed choices, not suggest that people are responsible for outcomes beyond their control.

Keeping Hope Grounded in Good Advice

Altruistic surrogacy is available across Australia, but availability does not mean every arrangement will meet the applicable requirements. Intended parents need advice relevant to their circumstances before committing to a particular pathway.

For those considering an overseas arrangement, the Australian Government’s Smartraveller guidance on international surrogacy is an important reference alongside individual legal advice.

The central message is hopeful without being simplistic: infertility does not necessarily close the door to parenthood. Understanding the practical barriers can help intended parents see which questions need answers and which possibilities remain open.

About Stephen Page

Stephen Page is one of Australia’s leading surrogacy lawyers, a multi-award-winning lawyer and an accredited family law specialist at Page Provan. His experience includes advising on more than 2,150 surrogacy journeys since 1998. He combines extensive fertility law experience with a personal understanding of the emotional impact of infertility.