Lessons From My Own Surrogacy Journey
Stephen Page’s story is a frank, sometimes brutal, ultimately hopeful account of what it means to pursue parenthood when the path is anything but straightforward. From a childhood conviction to be a dad, to confronting infertility, miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy and the legal uncertainty around parentage, his journey illustrates the medical, emotional and legal hurdles many families face when choosing surrogacy.
I knew at the age of four that I wanted to be a dad.
A lifelong want meets unexpected medical reality
Wanting to be a parent can feel like a simple plan: finish study, get a job, meet someone, start a family. For Stephen Page, those ordinary dreams were disrupted early. A doctor’s blunt warning that his partner needed to try immediately because of a medical condition was the first shock. Months of attempts produced no result.
When his partner suggested he be tested, Stephen resisted at first. The test eventually revealed low sperm motility—“slow swimmers”—and that diagnosis hit hard. The discovery pulled him into an emotional spiral that he later likened to the panic he experiences during severe asthma attacks: an illogical, visceral sense of being singled out by fate.
From dark places to unexpected outcomes
Despite what doctors described as classical infertility, Stephen’s first child was conceived naturally. The birth was near-tragic, and the next child arrived more easily. Life proved complicated: a divorce, a remarriage that did not last and then a relationship with Mitchell that led to a renewed wish to expand their family.
For Stephen and Mitchell, biological parenthood together required surrogacy. The decision was not taken lightly; it came from love and a desire to avoid forcing Mitchell into infertility. A relative offered to be their surrogate, and a friend offered to donate eggs—an extraordinary generosity that set the process in motion.
The surrogacy path: unpredictable and prolonged
Their surrogacy journey extended over four years. It involved multiple medical setbacks: a miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy requiring emergency surgery, clinic financial policy changes, and complications surrounding the birth that left their daughter close to death. These experiences show how surrogacy can be delayed not by the legal process but by unpredictable medical events.
Stephen notes that most surrogacy journeys are shorter—often under two years—and the longer timelines usually stem from medical complications. The long haul took a toll on everyone involved, but it also revealed the resilience that families need to keep going when setbacks occur.
Legal uncertainty, a nervous court appearance and a hard-won parentage order
When the baby arrived, Stephen and Mitchell needed a parentage order. The law in Queensland provided no neat certainty about who counted as a parent. Recent case law and High Court decisions had left the legal landscape unclear. Stephen found himself strangely nervous for several reasons: it was a personal matter, the law was unsettled, and their daughter was determined to scream the whole way to court.
Despite the stress, the court process concluded successfully. Securing a parentage order was a pivotal moment for the family, but it also underscored why specialist legal advice matters when surrogacy is involved in Australia.
Public backlash and the power of affirmation
Public reaction added another dimension to the experience. A media story that mentioned Stephen and Mitchell’s family prompted a wave of hostile commentary from an outspoken group, including a claim that the child had been “forever denied her mother.” The abuse was painful and revealing about how visible families can attract disproportionate attention.
That negative moment was balanced by a powerful one: marching together in WorldPride. Among half a million people cheering, their family felt seen, supported and celebrated. Their daughter is thriving—starting her second year of school and receiving awards—proof that the outcome made the struggle worthwhile.
Three rules distilled from a long journey
Stephen summarises his experience with three practical, hard-earned rules. They are simple but carry weight for anyone on a fertility or surrogacy path.
- Be kind to yourselves. If the emotional or financial cost becomes overwhelming, it is okay to step back and choose something else that brings joy. Parenthood is a valid life goal, but it is not the only way to live meaningfully. Do what will make you happier in the long run.
- If becoming a parent is at the core of who you are, keep going. Resilience matters. For those whose inner life revolves around being a parent, persistence can overcome barriers. That does not mean ignoring wellbeing—counselling, realistic budgeting and strong support networks are essential—but it does mean not giving up solely because the path is hard.
- Choose the best hospital and medical team you can. Medical complications can happen unexpectedly during conception and childbirth. Access to experienced clinicians and reliable hospitals reduces risks and can be the difference between tragedy and a positive outcome. Prioritise safety when lives are at stake.
Practical takeaways for anyone considering surrogacy
- Expect medical uncertainty. Surrogacy timelines can be extended by miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies and other complications. Prepare emotionally and financially for delays.
- Get specialist legal advice early. Parentage orders and legal parenthood vary by jurisdiction. Expert counsel helps avoid surprises and protects the rights of intended parents, surrogates and donors.
- Build a support network. Emotional support, whether from family, friends or professional counselling, is vital. Many people find advocacy groups and community events, such as Pride gatherings, deeply affirming.
- Consider counselling after losses. Miscarriage and complex surrogacy experiences change people. While not everyone will want mandatory counselling, professional support can help process grief and make decisions about next steps.
Resilience, love and a thriving child
Above all, this journey is a reminder that parenthood often demands endurance as much as desire. Stephen Page’s story is an account of persistence in the face of setbacks, of legal complexity met with careful planning, and of how public criticism can be offset by community affirmation. Their daughter’s thriving life and small school accomplishments are the quiet, daily validation that makes every difficult step worthwhile.
About Stephen Page
Stephen Page is recognised as one of Australia’s leading surrogacy and fertility lawyers. With experience advising on more than 2,000 surrogacy journeys and authoring a book on his personal experience, he combines practical legal expertise with lived experience of the medical, emotional and procedural challenges families face. His work focuses on helping intended parents, surrogates and donors navigate complex legal processes to create secure, loving families.
